and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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