If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
