my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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