No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize