i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
