Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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