So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
