im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
