please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
