I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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