State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
