He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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