Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
