The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
