I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
even my farts smell like vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
