His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
