You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
