Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
