I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize