also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
