im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
