Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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