i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you never un-have a 4some
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
