Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Plan B is the new Plan A
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
