Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
