Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk is not a location!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
