i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
