I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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