I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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