you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize