I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
