I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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