i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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