Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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