I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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