someone get that fucking seahorse.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
