I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize