the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
