So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize