the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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