Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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