i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
