i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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