for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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