At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
