hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
