well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
