Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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