sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
