so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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