Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bring money and cleavage
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
