Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize