We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
