my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
