i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
