I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
