They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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