It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
