I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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