Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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