Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
