3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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