Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
