it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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