Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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