she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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