Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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