she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
